When speaking about forgiveness, a concept that might not rush immediately into the mind of an individual is the idea that they, the one doing the forgiving, will benefit the most out of the process of forgiveness. Indeed, this can be experienced to be true quite easily and research has shown this to be the case. Here are some statistics in order to illustrate this reality.
On average, people who practice forgiveness experience the following:
- 70% decrease in feelings of hurt
- 27% reduction in physical symptoms of stress, including backache, headache and stomach pain
- 27% reduction in physical symptoms related to sleeplessness, listlessness and dizziness
- 13% reduction in long-term experience of anger
- 35% increase in the level of forgiveness for the person who caused them pain
The greatest amount of people who forgive others expressed a decrease in their feelings of being hurt. I attribute this to being a result of an individual releasing and letting go of the anger, grief, and sorrow that had been overwhelming them. The act of forgiveness effectively takes our grip off those lower states of consciousness and allows us to move forward in our lives, enabling us to be free of any excess emotional baggage.
It would first help to understand what the act of forgiveness is. In essence, you simply forgive by letting go of perceptions, attitudes, thoughts and behaviors that are non-loving. Forgiveness is a key ingredient to allow your heart and your love to grow. Furthermore, forgiveness is the moment to moment experience of peace and understanding that occurs when an injured party’s suffering is reduced as they transform their grievance against an offending party. This transformation takes place through learning to take less personal offense, attribute less blame to the offender and, by greater understanding, see the personal and interpersonal harm that occurs as the natural consequence of unresolved anger and hurt.
Forgiveness involves a sense of felt unity with one who has hurt us. From the point of view of development, a sense of unity can be regressive or progressive. With verification coming from personal experience, I will say that healthy forgiveness is transpersonal. Healthy and unhealthy forms of forgiveness can be understood by examining the prepersonal, personal, and transpersonal motivations for forgiveness. The central paradox in forgiving is defined as the other needing to be recognized as a different person before there can be a healthy sense of unity.
Make it a focus to be kind, loving and forgiving to everyone; no exceptions. Forgiveness is for you and not for anyone else. No one else even has to know about your decision. Recognize that your primary distress is coming from the hurt feelings, thoughts and physical upset you are suffering now, not what offended you or hurt you two minutes – or ten years -ago. Instead of mentally replaying your hurt seek out new ways to get what you want. Instead of focusing on your wounded feelings, and thereby giving the person who caused you pain power over you, learn to look for the love, beauty and kindness around you. Allow forgiveness to become second nature for you.
